maybe things will finally amount to something

I’ve officially graduated yesterday and I’m starting work in September.

I think it only just hit me now that this summer break is different. I’m not going to go back to UNMC anymore for another autumn semester, like I did the past three years; and that meeting up with friends will require effort from now on, and we won’t be doing the same things anymore, and that we’ll be busy with our separate jobs, and won’t have time to chill on weekdays except only occasionally when we have days off.

I already hate it. I hate the thought of having my privileges as a university student taken away from me, and there’s no way of turning back.

I’m probably only this pessimistic because in my head, I’ve already had such a fulfilling few years and everything that comes after won’t be able to compete, even though I know everything is just in my head. I don’t know if things will actually get worse. I’m just scared it will.

I don’t like the whole idea of working life. I’ve basically spent my whole life studying, and the thought of doing something else other than what I’m used to is daunting.

I’ve accepted a job offer as a content writer for a production/advertising company, as a result of what I’d experienced in the past. I’d decided to go out of my comfort zone, because I’ve seen what the company does, and what I’m most interested in is the potential opportunity for me to write stories in video or film. The only catch is the measly pay, which I’m told that I’m making a mistake. I did get offered a higher pay for another company, but as a copywriter. I just think that if I’m spending that much time of my life working, I might as well do something I enjoy instead of something I don’t enjoy but pays well. I know it’s a risk, and I know I could be either brave or stupid. That’s always the tricky thing about risks.

I know that when people try to chase their dreams, many of them fail. Only a handful succeed. I think it very much depends on circumstances and luck. I just think I’ll spend my whole life regretting my choices if I didn’t at least try a hand at storytelling. I can’t bear the thought of regret. I know how it feels like to have the option to try but too afraid to take the leap. I don’t want to feel that way again.

The only comforting and sure thing amidst all these uncertainties is that at least from now on, the things I do would actually amount to something, hopefully.


Featured image by Alexander Steffes.

2 thoughts on “maybe things will finally amount to something

  1. I know there are people who tried to chase their dreams, failed, and eventually gave up. But some, the succeeded ones, stick around and tried again. Other than luck, I believe that we also need time, which we can still afford. Not everyone finds this acceptable though, because all people are doing now is rushing towards the finishing line. There are bound to be disapproval from your loved ones, or from people who don’t matter to you (but somehow find their way into your life). Like you I am stuck there. I am still trying and waiting. To move beyond the judgemental stares and destructive criticisms from others and those from myself.

    I hope you find a way to see past them as well.

    Liked by 1 person

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