Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

Hi there, you awesome human being whom I haven’t met yet. I’m writing this because sometimes my mind becomes a broken record and replays the same thought over and over again. In this case, it’s you. I just want to let you know that I’m thinking about you right now and I can’t sleep without making right my haphazard mind. This is probably going to sound crazy, but you should know it’s you who’s driving me crazy.

Now I don’t know how you’re like since we haven’t met yet, but I hope you’re the type of person who tries to get me without judgment. I hope you know how much words mean to me and how all the stories, songs, poems, or whatever form I write in, every written word is part of who I am. I’m probably not the best talker you’ll ever meet and that probably makes you doubt if the person who writes and the person who speaks are even the same person because the person who writes seem sane and at least have coherent thought, while the person who speaks can’t even put her thoughts into proper sentences. I think about that a lot, how different I am with written words and spoken words, but I truly am the same person. They’re just different sides to me, and I hope you understand.

If you genuinely like the person that I am, I wonder what you see in me. Maybe you like how I value honesty? Maybe you like how I’m passionate about something? Whatever it is, I’m glad. I don’t have many pursuers in my life and it’s pretty obvious why: I’m an introvert, not exactly attractive, not very good at appearing interesting, and I tend to keep to myself and my circle of friends. I don’t exactly radiate “ideal girl” but I’m happy you see something in me. I hope you’re cute and a good talker, because I’m not and I realize I’m attracted to people who are. I hope you’re a good judgment of character and value genuineness, because I resent fakery. I want to list down all the things I hope in you, but at the same time I don’t see the point of it. What’s most important is that we click, that we get each other, that we genuinely love each other. I just want you to be the kind of person who I can talk to for hours, and it won’t be awkward even if we don’t see each other for a while if life gets in the way.

You know what? I have this fear at the back of my mind that you’re not who I thought you would be after all, or that I would settle for less because I don’t want to wait anymore, that that person is enough. I know the word “enough” can be ambiguous: It can mean I’m content, but it can also mean I’m not entirely satisfied. To wait all my life only to merely feel okay with my significant other? I hope it doesn’t come to that. That’s one of my fears, to never fully experience love. With you, I hope to experience a love that makes me afraid, a love that happens in novels, songs that people sing about, could only dream about. I want you to be the one who keeps me up at night; I want you to send shivers down my spine, to make me feel a kind of high I’ve never felt before; I want you to be my best friend most of all, the one I tell all my secrets to. I’m sorry, that sounds cheesy, doesn’t it? What’s not cheesy though is the thought of having met you only to find out one day it doesn’t work out and you decide to leave me, that you were never you in the first place. And please, don’t tell me you’ll never leave me. “Never” and “forever” are words I feel draw complacency, and I don’t like that. We can’t just assume everything is certain because sometimes stuff happens when we least expect it to, you know? That’s life.

I know we haven’t met yet, which makes this letter to you seem strange, given the timing, but I’m convinced the things we feel or experience as human beings, we’re never alone. That’s why I’m okay with writing this to you even though it seems crazy because I honestly don’t know any other person who does this, but like I said, there must be someone out there who’s as crazy as I am, I just happen to not know who that person is at the moment. (I’m aware that I just contradicted myself and defended my own contradiction)

Yeah, I just want to say that I’m thinking of you. I don’t know you, haven’t even met you, but I’m thinking of you. I probably miss you too, but that’s just bizarre to admit.

I pray to Allah I’ll see you soon.

Yours truly,

Picture originally found on thosesmallmoments

On a totally unrelated note, I’m kind of bummed I couldn’t join the A to Z Challenge this year, but I wish all the best to all the participants 🙂 You can do it! My tip is to schedule your posts beforehand ’cause you never know when something suddenly shows up or if you’re feeling too tired or lazy that day to even write 😉

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