Because I Can’t Speak Up #AtoZChallenge

Hi, my name is Paige Keen. I have shoulder-length brunette hair and I wear contacts because my eye sight isn’t perfect. Most days I prefer wearing jeans over skirts, but I like to pair them with girly blouses, and I basically live in ballet flats. Outlook wise, I may come off as a typical girl-next-door type of girl, and I’ve heard about how looks can be deceiving, but for me, what you see is what you get. I’m exactly the way I look to be. Personality wise, I’m very soft spoken and I absolutely cannot stand conflict. Females tend to have a reputation of being loud and dramatic, but contrary to popular belief, I’m the definition of the exact opposite.

I’ve been told that I’m likable and easy going, sweet-natured and pleasant to be around. Those are the things that I like about myself. The things that I don’t like as much is mainly my inability to be frank and straight forward when the occasion calls for it. As you can probably tell, I’m usually the person who gives in, even when I don’t necessarily agree to it.

Just last Sunday, my friend, Jane talked about buying a present for our friend, Chloe. It wasn’t the best conversation we’ve ever had, in fact it settled on being one of my least favourites. We talked through Facebook Messenger (I know there are better Apps but we were both already using Facebook, so it was a matter of convenience)ย and here was what went on:

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Honest question here: why did she even ask when she already made up her mind? I had that thought at that time, and I wasn’t annoyed (yet), just genuinely curious.

About an hour later, I arrived at the place Jane was talking about. It was located at the end of the mall, which was somewhat secluded. It was a shame because the shop, albeit a little small, had lots of designs suitable for every type of girl. If Jane hadn’t brought me there for my birthday last year, I wouldn’t have known the place even existed.

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You know how married couples love each other one day, and hate each other the next? My relationship with Jane was not far off from that. We’ve been best friends since we were 12 and there were days where I loved her to death, and there were also days where I just wanted to smack her in the face. That day was the latter. From the conversation it was obvious I wasn’t showing any of it though. Like I said, I didn’t know how to be straight forward even when I knew I should. It was annoying. I found myself annoying. When I thought I’ve mustered the courage to be frank, already had the words typed out in front of me, I would chicken out the last second and hit Backspace all the way. My personality trait just wouldn’t allow it.

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On normal days, I would’ve felt bad for not helping her, but this day in particular, I was just happy to get rid of her. She can be the best person to talk to, to laugh with and a great partner in crime when it comes to shopping, just not that day.

And I didn’t like how I couldn’t just tell her how irritating her behaviour was. We’ve been friends for so long, she would’ve understood right?

But I guess we’ll never find out.

 

Thank you to my friend, Jia Ni for inspiring me, putting up with me and helping me with this post ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

If you’re interested in reading more of these things, clickย here.
Thank you for reading!

6 thoughts on “Because I Can’t Speak Up #AtoZChallenge

  1. I have a bestfriend too and we’ve been besties for the longest time. What you feel is normal, what’s happening it normal. Before, there are things about her that I don’t like which I can’t tell her and I realized it’s part of who she is. I’ve come to like the things I dislike before and our relationship now is smooth sailing as ever. That’s just mine.

    Now, if you think things are relevant and material you should tell her. She’s your bestfriend, she’d understand. Also, not speaking up to your bestfriend can extend to not speaking up to other people. Communicate what you want, so you can get it. ๐Ÿ˜€

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