Form 6

In Malaysia, form 6 is one of the Pre-U programmes available for high school leavers, alongside diploma, A-levels, foundation, of the sorts. However, form 6 is the only programme among others that people often have a stronger opinion on. They either find it so difficult to a point they have nothing to say about it otherwise, or they would find the standard of it is not up to par, which are both ironically contradicting viewpoints if you ask me. Though I never knew or heard much about form 6 after I graduated high school, I dismissed it whenever the idea was thrown at me as one of the options to select in terms of furthering my education. I remember the days when I was a dumb teenager in school, I would see form 6 students occasionally just walking about, and I would think to myself “I never want to be like them”. Why? Well, outlook wise, they’re still in their school attire and they all looked nerdy and it seemed as though life in form 6 drained the life out of them. Okay, maybe they didn’t look that horrid, but something about them just didn’t appeal to me and I felt like running away from being sucked into the same fate. Whatever that “fate” was, I had no idea, I just didn’t want to be a part of it. Yes, I was being judgemental.

Right now, whenever such remarks were made in front of me, I would either be offended or feel the need to be defensive about it. Or both.

When I first decided to sign up for form 6, it was primarily because I could get a cert in just 1 and a half years. It was sort of a forced move from my part so I wasn’t happy when I first entered at all, added with all the negative thoughts I had about it before, it didn’t help in making anything easier. And plus the subjects that I chose to study, they were completely unrelated to what I really wanted to pursue as a career, so studying them were pretty much the pinnacle to all my miseries. In my speech for our public speaking slot during our orientation week back then, I pretty much talked about how unhappy I was with joining form 6, but ended the speech on a positive note, just to make myself feel better.

And then, time passed and it slowly made me have a changed perspective. Somehow being in form 6 made me get involved in more activities than I ever did during my 5 years of high school, combined. And because the classes are smaller, I’ve gotten to know more people and made more friends. The stuff the school organized and forced us to participate in, they’re kind of the reason why I had so much fun. Anyone who felt otherwise are either bitter or nerds, or they’ve never experienced something like it before, so you be quiet. Defensive, remember?  Ha. Well, all those hours spent on activities or projects, big or small, just participating made me felt like I was part of something. And that’s the best part.

Now that the days are inching closer and closer towards the finish line–graduation–I feel bittersweet inside.

Despite it being an obvious fact that I would be leaving real soon, the reality of it hasn’t hit me until I wrote in my journal about the memories I’ve had in the past few months, mostly consisting of the fun times in form 6. That was when I started feeling heavy chested, like wow this is really happening. It’s more than just leaving behind the friends I’ve made and the memory of it all, it also acts as a sign for me, an indication that I’m really growing up. After spending 7 years in a familiar study environment that is school, I’m finally breaking out of my uniform and finally, officially putting that lifestyle behind me and–whether I like it or not–I guess stepping foot into adulthood? I’m definitely not a teenager anymore and I will be going to a college or university after this and I’m not sure if I’m ready. I want to grow and experience more things out of life, meet more people and not be constricted to just what I’m comfortable with, but at the same time, the fear of the unknown and unfamiliarity is always there. I don’t know what to make of it just yet, but I’m sure going to miss what I have right now, as of writing this.

We’ll be having our graduation night tomorrow–us form 6s–and I hope we’ll have the best time of our lives,  that we would remember this day for many more years to come.

Wow I sound old.

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