Hi. My name is Suzanne and I’m an Introvert.

An introvert, according to the site–linked above if you hadn’t bothered clicking–is “a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.” In other words, someone who needs alone time to recharge after a long day out with people.

To be honest, years ago I would’ve labeled myself as being an extrovert just because I wanted to be one. Extroverts always seemed to be bubbly, talkative, funny and just fun to be around. And they also have tons of friends. I was envious of that and I wanted to be one of them. I don’t quite remember what I’ve done differently last time to make myself think that, “Ha, I knew I was an extrovert all along!” Maybe it was self-deception. Maybe I just took little bits and pieces out of a social setting and made myself think that I socialized and made jokes and had more fun than I actually did. Exaggerated thoughts was all I could theorize right now. The point is, I wasn’t being myself. Presently, all I can think about was having a few close friends, hardly ever attending a party or a huge social gathering, and writing all the time. That’s what I did, what I’ve always done and what I still do.

It wasn’t until last year that I’ve come to accept myself the way I am, less outstanding and all. Introverts are not necessarily anti social, shy, or quiet; those are misconceptions people tend to draw, just because we don’t talk as much. (Read: 6 Introvert Myths) For me, I’m a shy introvert so I don’t usually go up to people and start talking to them unless I really have to. No, I don’t hate people, I just don’t know what to say. I tend to think a lot when approaching someone new and I would think that every move I make is an effort of making a fool of myself (maybe that’s a case of a low self-esteem, too) so I find it more comforting to stay quiet unless being approached. And that brings about to me only having a circle of close friends, rather than a hundred best friends. And I prefer it that way.

I’ve come to realize that even though the idea of having lots of friends seem to translate into having more fun and sharing a whole lot more laughter, when I’m being thrown into a big group of people, I tend to keep quiet most of the time and only talk to those close to me. Don’t get me wrong, I like being around people, it’s just that it makes me feel uncomfortable to converse that way. In fact, I rather enjoy listening more than talking when it comes to those situations. Of course I would speak up still, just not full-on blabber. I know some people can just talk about their personal experiences and problems to friends or people they’ve just met, but I couldn’t. I feel violated of sorts and for some reason I just don’t like the idea of having people that I barely know, know these things about me. I don’t know how to make sense of that, but yeah, I’m pretty private. Extroverts, on the other hand, I find to be interested and amused at just about anything and are able to talk generally in every social situation imaginable and I find that impressive. If you don’t know me, you would probably find me unfriendly. I get that a lot, so it’s okay, I’m used to it. lol. But when I’m with people I’m close to though, I somehow just switch into being someone talkative and would just splurge on whatever that is on my mind without caring if that person is even interested in what I have to say. I guess I take longer time to warm up to people.

Generally, introverts think and reflect a lot. That’s me, I think a lot. Like, a lot. I think about things that happened throughout the day, replaying highlights in my head like some movie and I wonder what the other person thinks about me, stuff like that.  I also daydream a lot and think about ideas, about a story of sorts, and then if I think it’s good, I would jot it down. That’s why I write a lot; I have these over analyzed data in my head that I just need to express. It has its pros and cons though. Sometimes it veils me from seeing things as is; sometimes it gets too crowded, that’s when I either let it be until it goes away after a few days, or write it down to sort out my brain. I consider myself lucky though, to have the ability to convey my thoughts and feelings into words. I’m not sure if it’s the result of practicing since young–I started owning a journal at 12–or if I just know how to, either way, I’m grateful for that.

Thing is, I like being left alone doing my own things, but I’m happy to be socializing with people as well. I find hanging out with friends, although really fun, it’s draining and I’d like to give myself some alone time until I go out again. Out of a week, if I had to go out every single day and not have even one day alone to myself, I would feel a little sad inside. That’s the best to describe an introvert, I guess.

I’m not good at starting a conversation so I guess I’m kinda socially awkward at first, but once you get to know me, that’s only when you know me.

Just for fun if you’d like, you could check this Buzzfeed thing about introverts here and here. Not all are entirely accurate though. Just for laughs 🙂

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