Angry Blades Behind


When I was 14, I had a friend who I sort of had a love-hate relationship with. Let’s just name my friend A, without any pronoun that indicates any confirmation of gender, shall we? So anyway, A is generally a nice person who has nice-person characteristics like caring, considerate, selfless etc. I considered A one of my best friends back then even though we’ve only known each other for a little while. I’ve always enjoyed talking to A and A’s friends because they were funny and they were different from the people I usually hung out with. Despite all the things I liked about A, A also had another side of her/him that can sometimes be a pain in the butt. The two things that really stood out the most were how A could sometimes be overly dramatic and was sometimes not trustworthy as well. I mean, A wasn’t the type that betrays people; it’s just that I remembered having to be extra careful when telling A secrets. And because of how A annoyed me sometimes, I tend to splurge it all to my other friend, B.

The thing was, I only talked to B about A whenever A did something that drove me up the wall. At that time, I was only complaining about A to B, but I genuinely still liked A as a friend, despite all the nuisance. I don’t know whether it was because I was not used to saying out people’s negative sides to their face or was it because I never had a friend like A who’s both irritable and loving at the same time that caused me to not talk about A’s bad side in front of her/him. I’m just not sure, but back then, that’s the situation I faced. B always listened to my rambles and I tend to think nothing of it afterwards because it was just a temporary thing. I was just mad; I didn’t mean what I said. But that was not the case when B heard my stories. B took it seriously and sometimes even bashed A in front of me and partly because of me also, B had a different outlook of A. (The other part was B’s own opinion)

Even though I never intended for B to have a negative perspective of A, that’s exactly what happened. So whenever B said unpleasant things about A—although it was true at times—I just had a sick feeling in my stomach that it was all my fault. From then on, I never released my anger about A towards B anymore, but the damage had been done and I couldn’t make it right anymore.

Back then was how I learnt to differentiate between someone releasing their anger when they talk behind their backs and someone actually gossiping. Whenever my friends now complain about some people who aggravated them, I just listen and not take it to heart for I know now what it feels like. A heart could only take so much, so it’s normal for it to explode once in a while.

It’s human nature. We’re human. It’s normal.

Whereas gossiping on the other hand, it’s like judging the other person without their knowing even though they’ve never done anything to hurt you. Jealousy is sometimes the reason behind it; some girls just do it for the drama; some are just judgemental, whatever the reason, it’s unhealthy. Not to say letting out your feelings when someone made you mad is of any good, either, but it’s at least more reasonable than the latter.

Personally, if someone annoyed me, I’ll just bubble it up within me and not think about it until when I couldn’t take it anymore, I’ll try to talk about it without mentioning names. Finding a medium to write out feelings is always good, too.

I guess whatever bad thing it is that someone’s done to me—especially if he or she is a friend—and if it’s a one-time thing, I would now probably just keep quiet and let it slide. If it continues on, I guess I’ll just have to learn to be straightforward in front of that friend.

I guess the whole point of this entry is saying how anger could lead to people saying things they don’t mean and how it’s important to not take everything to heart.

I know the second half of the post is like cluttered and a little repetitive, but you know, so is my brain. Heh. I’m just not used to directly writing out what’s on my mind; it usually comes out as a story or some sort of creative writing like that. This is really direct though.

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