The Verdict

This Thursday will finally be the day where STPM modular results will be released. When I first heard of the news, all I could think of was, “Finally, after all these months, they’ve decided to showcase our results. Took them long enough.” I used the word “decide” because I don’t believe it should take them 3 whole months to mark our papers since there’s only one of each subject, compared to 2 or 3 of our senior’s. Comically, our seniors received their results today, before us. I don’t understand it, and I may never will, but as long as they don’t push it back to the end of the year, I’m good.

That was before. Now, when our teacher told us how our seniors did, it suddenly hit me.

What if my results are horrible? What if I was forced to retake some of the papers? I don’t think I could do it. I really don’t. Not with the added pressure of taking the third term papers as well and what about the assignments in the third term?

(We can only retake during our third term exam, which means those of us who don’t have to retake, we would only be required to sit for one paper. But if we were required to retake, then we would have to sit for more than one paper during our third term. Yeah, that about sums it up.)

Frankly, I was pretty complacent with how I did because I didn’t really put much thought into it. I guess the whole semester system hadn’t really sunk in yet. I kind of regretted how I didn’t work hard enough for my first term papers. Now that I’m giving more thought into it, I’m terrified of how I did. Considering what a milestone the actual paper was compared to our trial papers set by our school, I think I’m doomed. I couldn’t even do well in our–comparatively–easier trial papers, I couldn’t imagine what would become of the actual paper’s results. Ugh, it’s all so nerve-wracking.

O Allah, I beg of you to pass all my subjects. I know now I have to work harder than I did in the first term. And I will. Please, let me pass, even if it means having Cs for my worst subjects. Ameen.

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